Rediscovering Yourself

An empty nest is not just about the people who have left, but also the person who has come back which is you.

When the kids leave, they leave that behind feel and rhythm in the house that took years to evolve. The sting of the empty nest is the sharpest when that feeling still exists after the activity from which it evolved is over.

Know that it isn’t just a change in what you do and who you see that will move you back to the center. It’s the new feel and rhythm that will grow around you. But, as I am learning, you need to make time for this new feel and rhythm.

In addition to being an empty nester, I moved to a new state (North Carolina from Ohio), a new position, still in the same career, but nonetheless, a new position with much learning to do, a new state, a new town, and at first I only knew a couple people. I haven’t found my rhythm here and I haven’t taken the time to take a breath to enjoy this next chapter of my life.

The landscape here is breathtaking and I have enjoyed some of it with some friends that have come to visit. My friends showered me with a few visits when I first moved here because they knew the adjustment I was making, and honestly, I am in a pretty cool vacation spot. That helped my first few weeks here, I got to explore and take my mind off this huge life change and it was what I needed.

I bought a mountain bike, as my love for cycling has now an added adventure. And today as I finish writing this, I am going for my first run in a long, long time. It is time to find myself in this new chapter. I have adjusted to the new job, and the area and I have allowed too much to not allow me to have my outlet and do things I need to do for myself. This is a new chapter and those walking into my life hopefully will understand, that I am under a new reconstruction. It is not selfish to do something for yourself each day. Matter of fact it is mentally healthy.

Today, I see this empty nest time as hard-earned retirement years, no less than any doctor, lawyer, or teacher (hey that’s me) would after giving the best of themselves to their chosen work. My children had my love, all the patience I was capable of, and the best of my intuition and intelligence as they grew. They still have it and I love that they still need me. If my kids have a bad day, I am still their first phone call. If something exciting happens, I am still their first phone call or Facetime. Writing that made me smile big!

Our life revolved around sporting events, school plays, band concerts, nightly dinners around the table, and holiday traditions that we all held and hold very dear. My life was on a schedule, the weekly calendar that was glued to the fridge and added to and scratched out, and changed oh so many times. But remember, the kids were on this schedule as well. My oldest has turned to the gym and is getting ready to run his first half marathon that he has been training for. My youngest who was supposed to play college hockey decided to stay at his Dad’s and go to community college while playing in a pick-up league and he is enjoying his social life for the first time. So as we sit and talk empty nester, it is also a change for our kids.

However, for some people, especially the primary caregiver, this can be a time of great emptiness and sadness, I was the primary caregiver, and as exhausted as I was, it was an exhaustion that I cherished and loved because I knew one day, like today would be here. It just came really fast.

Today, I am trying to rediscover myself. I am relearning how to fit in my love of cycling, nature, and doing things that I enjoy that make me my whole self. I haven’t had time to truly dedicate to myself, I had it in bits and pieces. This outlet for doing things for yourself is so important.

I am in an amazing place of nature and to me, finding myself is being one with nature. Something I need to find more time to do.

So within this year, my oldest moved out, my baby graduated from high school, I turned 50, I moved to a new state, took a new job, a puppy has been added to my life and I am pretty sure I am going through the change….but here I am.

It is TIME to enjoy this new chapter, this amazing nature I now live in, and miles on this new amazing mountain bike. Rediscovering yourself takes on a roller coaster of emotions and you can only hope that you surround yourself with those in your life who can understand and ride the ride with you. Time to put my hands up in the air and enjoy this ride of a lifetime!

Becky Shaffer