Forgiving for Me

I recently heard a song called I Forgive You for Me, and I can honestly say it hit something deep in me.

Not because forgiveness is some soft, easy thing. Not because everything suddenly made sense. And not because the pain of what I have lived through just disappeared.

It hit me because it gave words to something I have had to learn the hard way.

Forgiveness was never really about them. It was about me.

For a long time, I think I carried pain in ways I did not even realize. I carried it in my body, in my relationships, in the way I questioned my worth, in the way I over-gave, over-explained, over-proved, and over-extended myself trying to be enough. Trying to be loved right. Trying to make sense of things that never should have happened in the first place.

When you have been hurt deeply, forgiveness can almost feel offensive. People throw it around like it should be simple.

Like it means you have healed.

Like it means you are the bigger person.

But when the wounds run deep, forgiveness is not pretty. It is not neat. It is not a quote on a pillow.

It is grief. It is anger. It is truth. It is boundaries. It is finally getting honest about what something did to you.

For me, forgiveness did not come as some big spiritual moment where I suddenly felt peace wash over me.

It came in pieces.

It came through tears.

It came through therapy.

It came through writing.

It came through facing parts of my story I would have rather kept tucked away.

It came through realizing that if I kept holding on to all of it, the people who hurt me would still be taking from me.

And I was done with that.

That is the part people do not always say out loud. Sometimes forgiveness is not about giving someone grace. Sometimes it is about no longer allowing their choices, their actions, their brokenness, or their damage to keep living inside of you.

I forgave for me.

I forgave because I wanted peace.

I forgave because I was tired.

I forgave because I wanted my life back.

I forgave because I wanted to stop bleeding into places that had nothing to do with the original wound.

I forgave because I deserve joy that is not constantly interrupted by old pain.

That does not mean I excuse what happened.

It does not mean I trust everyone.

It does not mean I forget.

And it sure does not mean I hand people access to me just because I have healed.

That is something I have learned deeply: forgiveness and boundaries can live in the same place.

I can forgive and still say no. I can forgive and still remember. I can forgive and still protect the version of me that I fought so hard to become.

And honestly, part of my healing, part of writing my book, part of finding my voice, came from this exact place. I had to stop asking why all of it happened to me and start asking what I was going to do with my life because of it. I had to stop letting pain define me. I had to stop letting survival be the only story I told myself.

Forgiveness became part of that shift.

Not because it erased anything. But because it loosened pain’s grip on me.

It allowed me to write.

To speak.

To tell the truth.

To help others.

To reclaim myself.

There is something powerful about realizing that your healing is not tied to whether someone ever fully understands what they did.

Sometimes you do not get the apology you deserved.

Sometimes you do not get closure in the form you wanted.

Sometimes the only closure you get is the one you create by deciding you will not carry it anymore.

That is what forgiving for me means.

It means I choose me now.

I choose peace now.

I choose freedom now.

I choose to stop letting yesterday keep its hands on today.

I think that is why this song hit me the way it did. Because it reminded me that forgiveness is not always about reconciliation.

Sometimes it is about release.

Sometimes it is about looking at all the pain, all the damage, all the hurt, and saying:

You do not get to own me anymore.

And maybe that is the most powerful kind of forgiveness there is.

Not weak.

Not passive.

Not pretending.

Liberating.

Becky Shaffer | The Why Not Me? Concept | Real Adult Wisdom Podcast Host | Educator | Speaker

www.liveinconfidence.com