When Life Knocks the Wind Out of You

No matter how much inner work we’ve done—therapy, journaling, self-reflection, or years of personal growth—life has a way of knocking the wind out of us. Just when we think we’ve found solid ground, something comes along that shakes our confidence, makes us question our worth, and leaves us wondering: Was all the effort worth it? Am I even lovable? Is life passing me by while I keep working so hard?

As an author, a podcast host, coach and educator, I’ve spent years diving into self-discovery, writing about resilience, and guiding others through their own growth. Yet, even now, I find myself in seasons where the old questions creep back in. I want to be honest about that, because growth is not a finish line. It’s a daily practice of showing up—even when you feel like you’re slipping backward.

These are not easy questions to admit out loud. But they are honest.

And while I am being honest....The Echoes of Childhood are a real thing not only for me, but for many of you.

For me, the hardest part of a setback isn’t the actual problem in front of me. It’s the voice it wakes up inside.

The voice of the little girl who learned to survive by believing she had to be perfect to be loved. The voice of the teenager who felt invisible in a room full of people. The voice of the adult who gave and gave, hoping someone would finally stay.

When life knocks me down, it’s those echoes that scream the loudest:

• You’re not lovable.

• You’ll never catch up.

• Nothing you do is enough.

And in that moment, it feels like I’m not just dealing with today’s setback—I’m carrying every scar I thought I had already healed. That’s why the hole feels endless. Because it’s not just today’s weight. It’s the weight of memory, shame, and survival all stacked together.

We’re often sold the idea that once we “do the work” on ourselves, we’ll finally arrive at some untouchable version of peace and worthiness. The truth? Growth is not a destination. It’s a practice. And just because we’ve done deep healing doesn’t mean life won’t test us again.

A setback doesn’t erase your progress. It doesn’t undo the love, the lessons, or the resilience you’ve grown. It simply invites you to dig deeper, to trust that even in the hole, there’s still a foundation beneath you.

I won’t pretend it feels good. Sometimes it feels like the hole swallows you whole. But I’ve noticed that even in the hole, there are flickers of light.

• A student telling me, “You’re my favorite teacher.”

• A Volleyball team that makes you a card full of love because they see a hero.

• A message from a friend just when I need it.

• A quiet reminder that I’ve survived hard seasons before.

The hole is not proof that you’ve failed—it’s proof that you’re still human. And being human means you will stumble, but it also means you will rise. Life will pass us by if we stop showing up. But when we keep breathing, keep reaching, keep whispering why not me?, we turn the hole into a place of rebuilding instead of despair.

Life will keep throwing setbacks, but setbacks don’t define you. They remind you that the work isn’t wasted—it’s what equips you to climb out of the hole, again and again.

And if you’re questioning right now, I want you to hear this: You are not unlovable. Your work is not for nothing. And your story is still unfolding.

I want to leave you with: the hole is not the end of your story. It’s the place where your strength is reborn.

Every setback, every stumble, every “I can’t do this” moment is not a reset to zero. It’s proof that you’re still in the fight, still breathing, still growing. You are not the same person you were the last time life knocked you down—you are wiser, stronger, and far more capable.