No One Teaches Us How to Love

Most of us are learning on the fly—with hearts that are already bruised.

We don’t grow up with real education around dating, partnership, or emotional regulation. There’s no class in high school that teaches you how to recognize red flags without gaslighting yourself. No textbook on how to sit with heartbreak without abandoning your self-worth in the process.

Instead, we absorb love like osmosis—from our parents, movies, culture, and whatever was modeled around us. And let’s be honest: a lot of those models were flawed. Some taught us to chase. Others taught us to settle. Many of us learned to confuse intensity with intimacy, attention with affection, or sacrifice with love.

We grow up believing a myth: That love should just happen. That it should be obvious. Easy. Magical. And if it’s not? Something must be wrong with us.

But here’s the truth most of us have to stumble into:

Love isn’t just something we feel. It’s something we do. And that means it’s not instinctual—it’s a skill.

Skills require learning. Relearning. Unlearning.

We have to unlearn the fantasy that someone else will “complete” us. Unlearn the belief that our worth is tied to our ability to be chosen. Unlearn the silence we were taught to keep, so we wouldn’t be “too much.”

And in its place? We build something healthier. Something real.

We learn to choose partners from a place of wholeness, not desperation. We learn that healthy love doesn’t ask us to shrink or perform. We learn that boundaries are not barriers—they’re bridges to better connection.

And most importantly, we learn how to come back to ourselves.

Because so many of us have experienced love that cost us parts of our identity. Love that felt like a constant proving ground. Love that asked us to endure instead of feel safe.

So now, we’re unlearning. We’re rebuilding. redefining what love looks like when it starts with self-respect.

That might mean walking away from something you wanted to work. It might mean grieving someone who couldn’t meet you where you are. It might mean being single longer than you planned—because you’ve stopped settling.

But this journey? This new way of loving? It’s worth it.

Because no one taught us how to love…But we’re learning now.

One choice.

One boundary.

One healed pattern at a time.

Let’s talk about how we do that—starting with the relationship we have with ourselves.

You can’t build a healthy partnership if the foundation—you—is cracked from self-neglect, self-doubt, or self-abandonment.

So much of what we call "love" is really just trying to find someone who will finally treat us the way we wish we treated ourselves.

We want someone to affirm our worth. To listen to our needs. To show up, stay, and choose us.

But what if you were the one doing all of that first?

What if loving yourself wasn’t just bubble baths and solo vacations…But boundaries. And hard choices. And giving yourself permission to stop chasing people who only show up halfway?

Relearning love means we stop outsourcing our wholeness. We stop waiting for someone else to make us feel enough. We become enough, by our own definition.

And when that happens? Everything shifts.

You start choosing people from a place of grounded peace—not anxious need. You stop begging for crumbs because you already feed yourself the feast of self-worth. You learn that love isn’t about being rescued. It’s about being seen.

As you are. Fully.

And it begins, always, with you.

So if no one taught you how to love—start now.

Start here.

With self-trust.

With clarity.

With boundaries that honor your worth.

Because the love you’re seeking? It’s not out there somewhere, waiting to find you. It's being built inside of you, one healed choice at a time.

You're not behind.

You're becoming.